Friday, April 2, 2010

The two tongued,two headed,all seeing eye of duality

It's interesting how a version of the truth can be both the truth and so far from it at the same time... Maybe we all play these delusional games with ourselves, not wanting to own the full responsibility of what brought us to this moment in time. If we did see it lay out, all one wrong maneuver, another wrong turn, one after another, never listening to the suggestions or advice that "good friends" try to impart to you... - - You would get to feeling pretty worn down about yourself. So maybe we all need that little piece of fiction, that element that says, it wasn't your fault, you didn't bring this on yourself... ... .. But somewhere, underneath, perhaps not fully realized; the self knows YOU DID. You did bring this all on yourself, you are responsible. This isn't just a bunch of external stuff happening to you. You have actively participated in having this happen.

I think about this for myself- I am in a pretty transitional place along life's path... Sometimes this really gets me down. Jobs,the economy,skills and abilities,planning for the future - falling through the cracks, the world as I knew it turned upside down... versus following my heart, pursuing a dream...a goal, an ambition... trying to build some sort of stable platform to stand on and feel - this is solid. But who is there, when you stumble?

Some people seem to convince the whole world to rally around them, even when they've turned against many of the "friends" that helped along the way.
I would like some help. Maybe if I learn to be a more charismatic, drama-queen, somebody will save me too...?
I doubt it. I will keep working on myself, my education, my dreams and goals the best I can, with mostly my own motivation and strength,a little at a time. And hope, hope there is time enough to get things done.

1 comment:

  1. Finally catching up. What a great post - more than a kernel or two of truth here. No, no - please don't learn to be another cult leader! There's only room on stage for one at a time, preening and pirouetting before his swooning audience. And that's already one too many for me, thanks.

    Akilah, now in her 306th consecutive day of shoveling poop and cooking millet for over 40 dogs, while the dogs' owner publicly accuses her of not caring for them. Go figure.